Sound

Whew what a four days I have had!! Sorry this post is a little late... I have been sick with pneumonia... today is the first day I woke up and did not feel like I was hit by a truck... today I just feel like I was hit by a Honda... Sooooo much better!

Funny that today on my list of thankfulness it is sound. I was just talking to a co-worker about how painfully quiet our office is. My company has two offices, one in Houston and one in Dallas. I work at the one in Dallas and there are three other people in offices around me. They are all in offices though so not much conversation between offices. My co-worker that I talk to the most is in Houston so all of our conversations happen through Skype messenger. She said her office there is the same way. It is so hard for me. I'm a talkative person. I HATE quiet... I'm Italian I'm loud by nature lol! We are not even allowed to play music at work. Craziness!

That being said, I love sound, I've never been the kind of person that relish's in quiet time. I get anxious and need to move around and make noise lol. l need the tv in the background, or kids talking, or music. I need some kind of sound. Sound is one of those things that I NEVER really think of, it is just there. Until I started this job I never really noticed how much I need sound. Now I'm very aware when I am not able to have "sound" on. Now when I say that I'm thankful for sound it means something completely different. When I first saw the word sound on the thankful list I admit, I started thinking of WHAT sounds I was thankful for... then when I saw it again today, it clicked that I was, am, thankful for SOUND. I'm thankful I can hear, sirens, screaming kids, dogs barking, noises that make people angry! I'm thankful for people talking, tv's going, music, cars honking. I'm thankful I can hear all of these things! Next time any of these things get on my nerves I'm going to think of that day at work in my painfully quiet office and say LOUDER!! :)

My favorite food.....

Food... that is my comfort!! I LOVE food. Eating, cooking, reading, watching, talking... I LOVE FOOD!

My absolute favorite food in the entire world is FRESH seafood, on the beach :) or Mexican food, or ANY KIND OF FOOD... I think I am a food addict. I say that because food is a comfort for me. When I'm happy, sad, having a good day or a bad day, I turn to food. One time during a particularly rough period, like I lost my job, I went through 3 drive thru's and proceeded to go to a park and eat my feelings away.

When we go to the grocery store I always have the idea to eat healthy. Even make healthy choices on my list and meal plans... but when I get to the grocery store all of the bad foods that comfort me when that anxiety or depression come to take me away, it's like they say my name and calll me to them.... When my mom tries to remind me that I'm eating healthy now I get angry... I make excuses... I buy all the bad stuff anyways.  

The worst part is that I know that I do not want this cycle to continue. I hate myself for it... but when I'm faced with the food I just can not say no... So the question, What is your favorite food, that is hard for me because so many give me comfort... I always said I love food because I'm Italian but I think it is because I've always used food as a comfort. When someone dies, you take them food, when someone gets married, you celebrate with food, when you have a birthday you celebrate with food...

Now if I'm happy I cook, if I'm sad I eat, I am in therapy... in my kitchen on a daily basis. I'm never going to stop turning to food for comfort, now I'm just trying to do more of the cooking and make more healthy choices.... I'm also trying to exercise more so there is less jiggle when I giggle :) but for now I'm saying all foods are my favorite and maybe later I'll narrow that down some...

The Color I'm Most Thankful For...

Blue because it matches my mood right now. If we did not have the color blue I may match the color black and that represents death. That is all I have today.

Technology I'm Grateful For....

Technology... What an amazing thing. I mean first, look how far it has come in such a short time. I remember when I was about 9 or 10 and being absolutely OBSESSED with Polaroid Cameras! Then a few years later it was pagers! LOL look how far we have come! Now my whole life is basically on my iPhone. 

My monsters, I mean the angels I gave birth to, have all had iPhones since they started middle school, dont judge most of the time they could only use them when connected to wifi, and the school GAVE them all iPads anyways. I honestly do not think they, or any other kid in their school, would know what to do without easy access to a device! 

I think that iPhones or any smart phone is amazing. I know people that run a whole business and provide for their families solely using a smart phone. How amazing is that? Look at how far we have come... I can easily capture ANY moment just by grabbing my phone. If something happens, I can alert people that I'm ok, or that I'm not, just by grabbing my phone. I am SO connected... Some days it is more welcome than others... But I'm thankful for it. 

If I need a pick me up I can grab my phone and open almost any app and find a picture of my kids, my daddy, my brother, my mom, even my dog and smile... If I'm lost, which does happen, I can ask my phone to "find" me... If I need some inspiration, Tumblr or Pinterest or Instagram are a click away.... I'm SO connected... 

I'm SO thankful...

#technology #thankful

My Favorite Smell...

I love the ocean. The saltiness of the air, the saltiness of the water, the waves, the beach... the smell.
I love everything about the ocean. I do not get to the ocean nearly as much, although I'm looking at moving closer to the ocean... It brings me peace. I have debilitating anxiety at times and I've found that if I hear the sound of waves it helps... not as much as the smell though. That salty sea smell brings me peace.

I do not often have peace in my life. From the overwhelming guilt of my past and sometimes present, to the guilt of my babies turning out as me... I do not have peace. The ocean brings me peace even if it is as fleeting as the waves...

I do have some amazing memories of the ocean and I remember my daddy loved the ocean too...

I love the smell of the ocean and that is a smell I am so thankful for.

Introduction

I'm Micaela... Mom, Mimi, Aunt Kayla... 

This blog is about helping me find my gratitude again... I have another blog for life.... but this one is to remind me that no matter how crazy it is over there, here I'm grateful, I have things to be thankful for...